By Em & Lo
Em & Lo, authors of the new book, "150 Shades of Play: A Beginner's Guide to Kink," explain why (and how) to Fifty-Shades your relationship.
1. Increased Trust
It takes a boatload of trust to let someone tie you up or clamp your nipples or spank you with a paddle or act out a fantasy together. You're opening yourselves up to each other, both physically and emotionally -- it's like an X-rated version of that trust-falling game you used to play at camp! And the more you play together, the more you'll trust each other, and the further you'll be willing to go together, and the more you'll trust each other, and the further you'll go together... get the picture?
2. It's The Opposite Of A Rut
We know: duh. But while everyone knows that a sexual rut is a terrible thing to experience in a relationship, not everyone is willing to do something about it beyond trying a new position or buying a new set of underwear or offering a half-hearted back massage as "foreplay." Kink is kind of the nuclear option for your rut - or the best way ever to ensure you never get into that rut in the first place.
3. You Play With Power
Mind games in a relationship tend to be bad news -- who wants to date a passive-aggressive fighter or a sulker or a silent nagger? But mind games in the bedroom? Now that's hot. Boss each other around, screw with each other's heads, tease each other, beg, wrestle, fight, and more... and then cuddle sweetly at the end of it all. It's the best of both worlds.
4. You're Different For Each Other
We know that monogamy can be a slog sometimes -- so why not give your partner a break and pretend to be someone else. Whether it's a full-on role-playing scenario or just a wig or a new pair of boots, getting into character (and out of your own character) can give you the freedom to act differently... and it gives your partner freedom to think differently about the person they're sleeping with. All that variety, and nobody gets cheated on!
5. Communication. Communication. Communication.
So sexee, we know! Well, sure, "communication" may not sound like much when you're trying to figure out who picks up the kids from school or whose turn it is to do laundry or why your mother-in-law treats you like that. But what about when you're talking about who's going to be the top and who's going to be the bottom? What about when you're deciding who's going to hit the hardware store for some soft rope for bondage purposes? Or discussing just how far you're each willing to go with a slapper and a blindfold? It's a brand new way to get to know each other deeply and intimately -- your desires and your no-go areas... and the stuff that just cracks you both up.
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