One of my girlfriends sent this to me the other day.  She knew I would get a giggle out of it, so as a good blogger should, I’m going to share it.

Here it is in all its glory:

I realize that this is painful – to all of us, but I think it’s important to point out the obvious and hope that someone, somewhere will read this and maybe learn from this guy’s lame attempt to win over my friend.

Where do I begin?

*CRACKS KNUCKLES*

#1  TRY NOT TO SOUND LIKE A USED CAR SALESMAN:

Nobody, and I mean nobody, likes a used car salesman.  I have my mother to thank for that one – she thinks that everyone is a salesman and reminds me of this all the time and 98% of the time she’s right.  He really should have left out his comment, “I have been in Playgirl and few hundred other professional nude publications worldwide.”   He should have stopped with “I am a single Dad.”   And by the way, exactly how many nude publications are there?  A few hundred?  Somehow, I doubt it.  Clearly, this guy has got some phony-baloney going on.   Mom would never approve of this.

#2  TRY NOT TO SOUND ARROGANT:

“Obviously, you are very beautiful and receive many messages. Despite that, I think I am a cut above the rest.”

Whoa….I think the shovel just broke.  Isn’t the receiver supposed to determine if he is a cut above the rest  or not?  Where is this man’s humility?  And, how is it that… *checks his age* …at 34-years old, he doesn’t know how to introduce himself to someone he is trying to win over?  How?

#3  NEVER, AND I MEAN EVER, ADMIT THAT YOU ARE A MALE MODEL:

Unless you are blessed with having the glorious names of the following:

TYSON BECKFORD

or

MARCUS SCHENKENBERG

or

ALEX LUNDQVIST

or

CAMERON ALBORZIAN

And finally…

#4  ONLY POST SMILING PICTURES OF YOURSELF: Otherwise you come off looking like a miserable person, a stalker, or someone who has bad teeth – or all of the above.

#5  USE A PICTURE THAT LOOKS REALISTIC:  Is it me, or does his picture look like a school picture?  He’s not smiling and it was taken indoors.  If he’s a model, why isn’t he using one of his photos from his hundreds of publications?  To me, that alone, is totally suspect.

This poor sap never even got a reply from my friend.  He never even had a chance because…and I mean, really, he might as well have said, “I’m a model, so therefore, you should not only lust after me, but also give me first dibs, because I’m awesome.”

Boys….

NEXT!

Should dating be treated like a game of baseball and follow the same “three strikes and you’re out” rule?  I ask this question because apparently there are some men out there who think they get three magical chances while dating someone.  For instance, my friend Erin and I were emailing each other the other day and she pointed out that there are men out there who are completely clueless when it comes to our feelings.   They can’t relate and they certainly don’t indicate they have any ability to have empathy for our tender feelings.   This conversation came from a guy she dated, who was so self-absorbed that he was clueless to the notion that if he screwed up, it’s over.  Like a lot of people, he thought that there was a learning curve in a relationship.

In the middle of our emailing, I decided to post this on my Facebook fan page:

OMG that second chances pic you posted was exactly what I was thinking.

I dated a guy once who stood me up and later said “I guess that’s strike one, right?”  I said, “You haven’t earned three strikes…you’re out!”

I have no idea why guys think they get “strikes”.  It implies they have 3 get out of jail free cards with no expectation of penance and we’re supposed to just tolerate it.   How about get your shit together so you don’t need strikes, jackass.

I love Erin.  She always has a way with words.  And, just like Erin, there are no three-strikes in my world, either.   If you act like a jerk, that’s it, game over.

Do not pass Go.

Do not collect $200.

Do not call the tall, red head ever again.

If you are careless with my feelings, I’m done, because if someone can be that careless with my feelings during the honeymoon period, can you imagine what it would be like after the honeymoon is over?  Ya, I’m all set.

I want a man who will cherish me.  Someone who is so into me that they are fearless about being rejected.  Someone willing to step up to the plate and not give up.  Are there any guys out there who are passionate about finding love like I am?  Or is everyone so damaged from rotten relationships and horrible dating experiences that they aren’t willing to be authentic and vulnerable anymore?

Who in the world would sign up for this?  Dating is not fun.

Everyone is broken…

Next…